“PROS AND CONS OF THE IRAQ ATTACK TACK”

Or, We got Conned.

Every original reason and justification for a preemptive invasion of Iraq turns out to have been false, a misrepresentation or a deliberate lie. Granted, that’s nothing unusual for Washington D.C, but for some reason, nine out of ten Iraqis want us to leave. Six out of ten US troops want us to leave. Two out of three US voters want us to leave.

Can it really be that bad? Surely not. Let’s see......

Reasons to make Iraq a 51st State if Necessary

1. The President gets more excuses to wear a cute flight suit and announce “Mission Accomplished.” Check.
2. There are lots more “Medals of Freedom” yet to award for a “heck of a job.” Check.
3. There are lots more magnetic signs saying “Support our Troops” to sell.
4. There are lots of doctors and nurses who’ll have full employment and lots of drug and medical equipment companies who’ll make lots more money.
5. There are lots of companies like Haliburton and lots of their stockholders like Cheney who have lots more money to make until the Treasury is empty.
6. Iraqis’ll get to have more fun staining fingers with purple ink.
7. Saddam’s show trial gets to continue and it’s getting darned good ratings, almost as good as “Reality TV.”
8. Besides, we made promises to Chalabi.
9. And, there’s oil under Iraq and it belongs to us by right of conquest.
10. Surely, admitting mistakes is a sign of weakness and quitting is for cowards like Murthra.
11. Plus, we need more time to come up with a really good reason why the first 2300 didn’t died in vain.
12. We’ve got plenty more young men and women, lots more money to spare and practice makes perfect.
13. It is on the job training for those in charge who found excuses not to serve in the military.
14. It gives a good excuse to continue secret spying to locate all those traitorous, disloyal Americans who might want to vote against the current Administration.
15. We can use Iraq as a base to invade Iran.
16. We needn’t worry since quagmires only occur in wet jungles, not dry sand dunes.
17. Most authoritative of all, the President says we have to stay and he is never wrong on anything.

Reasons to Leave Iraq

1. Over 2300 American boys and girls dead so far. Sorry bout that.
2. Tens of thousands of them wounded so far. Sorry bout that too.
3. Probably a 100,000 potential cases of delayed stress syndrome so far. How is staying there a way to “Support our Troops?”
4. From 30,000 to 100,000 Iraqi dead by our hands so far and no one knows how many kids maimed, but do they count?
5. One out of two Iraqis now favor killing our troops. So much for gratitude.
6. A trillion or so dollars wasted so far from graft, corruption and re-re-building sites bombed. Trillion here. Trillion there, there, there, there.
7. Our grandchildren’s financial future mortgaged to China and others, not to mention our foreign affairs flexibility from fear the funds’ll be forfeited.
8. Near abandonment of the search for the actual architect of 9/11. Osama who?
9. Near exhaustion of the National Guard and massive loss of experienced senior personnel. What part of the word guard don’t we understand?
10. Removal of all top military leadership who got the facts right or at least had doubts about the war and their replacement with those who got it wrong or were suck up REMF’s. Guess Rummy’s making us fight the next war with the fools we now have.
11. Near elimination of the regular Army’s ability to react to real threats like Iran and North Korea’s nuclear bomb programs; i.e. where the real WMDs are hidden.
12. Severe weakening of Arab allies like the present Egyptian leadership, distancing of former friends like Turkey, and strengthening of enemies like Iran. Instead of one Taliban ruled country, we could be multiplying them.
13. Complete loss of international credibility and trust about our motives. Not that we care.
14. Conversion of US into even a bigger laughingstock and an object of hatred. We are becoming the Paris Hilton of nations.
15. Emasculation of US civil rights and much of the Constitution. Tom, Ben, Sam and the powdered wig boys must be rolling in their graves.
16. Torture becoming US authorized policy.
17. Sky high gas prices and disruption of oil supply. Now that’s a good reason. What a minute. Wasn’t securing cheap oil the reason we went there in the first place? What happened?

Barnum was right. So was Lincoln. There’s plenty of suckers born every minute. And, as Lincoln’s current successor has shown us, you can fool about a third of the population all the time. He’s even demonstrated you can fool most of the other two thirds most of the time. Fortunately, the latest polls reveal he can’t just keep on fooling everyone for his entire administration. Our biggest problem remains though that we have a fool in charge.