“GOODBYE AND GOODLUCK”

Or, What Would Happen If Edward R. Murrow Was Applying for a Broadcast News Job These Days

MEMO:
From: Director - Human Resources Department, CBS Evening News
To: Edward R. Murrow

Dear Mr. Murrow,

We appreciate your applying for the anchor position at our Evening News broadcast. You certainly have excellent journalistic credentials and a fine voice, full of gravitas.

However, we have decided to go in a different direction. Rather than just reporting hard news and politics, we feel the program should be oriented more toward what is happening in the entertainment world since that is what is attracting viewership and ratings these days. In our interview with you, you did not even seem to know who Paris Hilton was dating and could not name the top three rapper groups off the top of your head. That suggests you are not well informed on important world events.

Moreover, to win back the critical young male demographic in that time slot, we have concluded that the next anchor must have large mammaries and probably be blond. That would also help even up our EEOC score since we already have an over abundance of males in the top management and editor slots. Sorry, but you do not fit the hoped for profile.

Finally, the demo tapes you sent were far too confrontational and humorless. Yes, we realize Senator McCarthy was destroying democracy and trampling freedoms, but couldn’t you have interspersed your expose with at least some of the happy talk that works so well in the local newscasts? Just a suggestion if you want to be perceived as a real reporter by those who count, the sponsors.

In any event, good luck in your future career.

Very truly yours,
D. M. Witling, V.P.

P.S. The CBS newsroom is a smoke free environment. You might want to reconsider your smoking habit before you apply for the next job.