“LIE DETECTOR”

Or, How We've Learned To Tell When Bush Is Lying?

The sign behind him says either "Mission Accomplished" or "Plan for Victory."
He’s wearing a military uniform.
He’s promising he'll catch Bin Laden.
He's listing his reasons for starting the war in Iraq.
He’s claiming it’s “wild speculation” to suggest he’s planning to bomb Iran.
He’s answering the questions of any real reporter.
He’s using someone from Fox News as his Press Secretary.
He's explaining he’s too busy during his entire 5 week vacation to visit a grieving mother not a mile away.
He's proclaiming he is a uniter, not a divider.
He's asserting he is a conservative, let alone a compassionate one.
He's announcing his tax cuts are not just for the rich like himself and his campaign contributors, but for everyone.
He’s saying a growing economy is a good time for a tax cut for the top 1%.
He’s saying a stable economy is a good time for a tax cut for the top 1%.
He’s saying a declining economy is a good time for a tax cut for the top 1%.
He's denouncing class warfare.
He's alleging his policies will create a terrific surplus.
He's insisting the resulting deficit is good for us.
He's maintaining the Healthy Forest Initiative, the Clear Sky Initiative, the No Child Left Behind Law, or the Bankruptcy Reform and Consumer Protection Act have anything to do with their titles.
He's mentioning the Energy Bill will reduce the price of gas or the dependence on oil and coal companies.
He’s telling Congress his appointees for heads of agencies are competent.
He’s also telling Congress his appointees to the bench are unbiased and fair.
He’s swearing he didn’t really know his convicted best friends were crooked or that he even really knew them all that well.
He’s giving anyone the Medal of Freedom for doing a heck of a good job.
He’s telling the press pool he wants to find out who leaked national security information by blowing the cover of a CIA operative.
He's prophesying he has read the bible and actually practices what it preaches.
He’s suggesting God told him to go to war.
He’s campaigning that his Administration will bring honesty into the White House.
He's giving the part in his swearing-in ceremony where he vows to uphold the Constitution, the laws and treaties of the United States.
Come to think of it, it's anytime you can see his lips move.