"POP QUIZ FOR POLITICIANS"

Or, Life and Death Questions for Politicians

1. What is the greatest risk for the elderly?
a. Cancer?
b. Alzheimer’s?
c. Oregon’s Death with Dignity Law?
d. Teenagers?
e. The Republican Social Security, Medicare and Drug “reform” programs?

2. What is most likely to make the Dollar nearly worthless and cause a new Depression?
a. The Republican Deficit?
b. The Republican Foreign Trade Imbalance?
c. The Republican tax cuts primarily for the already rich?
d. The Republican addiction to expensive oil?
e. All the above?

3. Why don’t we have an alternative source of energy that would be cheaper and stop embroiling us in the Middle East oil fields?
a. The Bush family’s friendship with the Sheiks running Saudi Arabian, homeland of most of the World Trade Center attackers?
b. The campaign contributions from oil companies?
c. A Vice President who is the former head of Haliburton and who gets most of his wealth from oil?
d. The Republican so-called Energy Bill?
e. Voters ignoring or unaware of any of the above?

4. Who has stolen the most money in the history of the World?
a. Jesse James?
b. The Dalton Gang?
c. Willie Loman?
d. Welfare cheats?
e. Enron Executives?

5. What is the best way to support our troops?
a. Pay hired mercenaries guarding Haliburton buildings at five times what we pay our own enlisted men?
b. Extend our troops enlistments without their consent?
c. Deprive them of critical supplies, more manpower, post enlistment medical care and veterans benefits?
d. Send them to fight a war so the President has a photo op in a military flight suit?
e. Impeach Bush?

6. What nations condoned Torture as official government policy?
a. Nazi Germany?
b. Imperial Japan?
c. Pol Pot Cambodia?
d. Bush’s America?
e. All of the above?

7. What do we need to insure freedom of religion which includes freedom from religion?
a. A President who can’t figure out that calling for a “Crusade” in one Muslim might offend Muslim allies?
b. A President who believes God talks to him personally?
c. Attorney Generals appointed by the Bush family?
d. Pat Robertson?
e. Simply enforcing the Constitution which calls for separation of church and state?

8. What is Vice President Cheney most afraid of?
a. That Bush will die?
b. That his daughter will marry another woman?
c. That Haliburton will be audited?
d. That any of the many alternatives to oil will be funded and allowed?
e. That someone will see his puppeteer hand up stuck up Howdy Doody Bush’s butt?

9. What is President Bush most afraid of?
a. Military service in a war zone?
b. Karl Rove?
c. Regaining of common sense by voters?
d. Cindy Sheehan?
e. Frequent and Open Press Conferences?

10. What legislation title actually means what the legislation is intended to accomplish?
a. The Clear Sky Initiative?
b. The Healthy Forest Act?
c. The No Child Left Behind Law?
d. The Fairness in Class Action Suits?
e. The Bill of Rights?

11. Who should decide on whether or not Social Security should be eliminated?
a. Extremely rich Republican Congressmen who already have a huge pension paid for by the government?
b. Wall Street brokers who stand to profit from turning over social security savings to them?
c. The young and healthy?
d. Alferd E. Newman?
e. The American voters?

12. What is the best reason for saving the Environment for future generations?
a. We should leave something for our grandchildren?
b. We won’t know what we really need until it is gone?
c. Plants and animals have rights too?
d. It is the right thing to do?
e. It is the conservative thing to do?

13. Which is the only one of the following that is finally protected and safe from terrorist attack after all these years since 9/11?
a. US Ports?
b. Chemical plants?
c. Nuclear facilities?
d. Surface transportation infrastructures?
e. Dick Cheney’s undisclosed bunker?

14. What is the least likely reason for high malpractice insurance bills?
a. Insurance companies charging higher premiums due to bad judgement in the stock and real estate markets?
b. Extremely high salaries for insurance company executives?
c. States without caps on jury awards for negligence?
d. Medical Boards banning incompetent doctors from practicing?
e. Lawyers occasionally proving conclusively that incompetent doctors harmed patients?

15. The greatest hope for corporate honesty?
a. Abolition of corporate political donations?
b. A fully staffed and funded SEC?
c. Jail terms for Bush’s largest campaign contributors?
d. A different Attorney General?
e. A different President?

16. Who have been the biggest liars and hypocrites in Washington, D.C. for the past six years?
a. TV Evangelists?
b. Fox News?
c. Swift Boat Veterans for the “Truth”?
d. The majority party in the House or Senate?
e. The occupants of the West Wing of the White House?

17. Who is least likely to be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom?
a. Someone who was too stupid to understand intelligence reports about their being no WMDs?
b. Someone who deliberately mislead the public about the justifications for the war?
c. Someone who screwed up the occupation by not having enough troops, not giving the troops we had enough armor, not securing all ammo dumps from theft, and not having a plan to get out?
d. Someone who will only tell the President what he wants to hear?
e. Someone who warned the President that the justification for the war was false and that the cost would be high?

18. Who is Bush likely to attack next?
a. Israel which is occupying land that does not belong to it and which is in violation of as many UN Resolutions as Iraq was?
b. Iran which hates us and will soon have nuclear weapons?
c. Pakistan which hates us and gave nuclear weapon technology to terrorist countries?
d. North Korea which has a large army, hates us and already has nuclear weapons?
e. Some small country full of dusky skinned natives which hates us, but is relatively weak and cannot harm us?

19. What is stupidest thing the President ever said?
a. That the reason we went to War with Iraq was because Saddam helped attack us on September 11?
b. That he is a compassionate conservative?
c. That he is a fiscal conservative?
d. That he never made a mistake?
e. Whatever was the last thing that left his mouth?

20. What we should cheer for?
a. That the Press Corp should grow some cojohnes?
b. That the President be sued for malpractice?
c. That the President’s intelligence magically increase by 80 points so he can be at least of average intelligence?
d. That the President eats more pretzels?
e. Sorry, there is nothing much to cheer for!