“POLAR OPPOSITES”

Or, a Comparison of Molly Ivins and George Bush

The Wit	The Halfwit
Sexy Female	Former college Cheerleader
Genuine Texan (i.e. one who wear boots on which the only sh*t is found on the outside)	Erzatz Texan who likes to play dress up with cowboy hat and boot costumes
Spoke Texan whirling words like a whip	Flunked English and can’t even speak Texan
Drank with the Boys	Former drunk
Compassionate Liberal	Not even a real Conservative
Believed in the Golden Rule	Took gold in exchange for getting to rule
Proved that we ought to be eternally embarrassed for voting for most politicians	An eternal embarrassment
Brilliant humorist	Punch line of jokes
Made reading fun	Has trouble reading from a children’s book
Essence of wicked wisdom	As Molly said, “doesn’t have the wisdom God gave a duck” but indulges in wickedness
Knew how to curse	Deserved to be cursed
Proved not every Texan is a cartoon	World’s greatest inspiration for cartoons
The very definition of a true Patriot (the kind the Founding Fathers and Mothers were in 1176)	Puzzled as to what actual patriotism means
Not afraid of either combat or the press	Hides out from even questions and only knows about combat from sending others to die
Says what she means and means what she says	We only need to remember how his bills are titled and what they are really designed to accomplish
Disarms even enemies	Recruits and arms future enemies
Big hearted and friendly of all	Fair weather friend (just ask Scooter Libby)
Honest about politics	Dishonest politician
Insights so sharp they could cut saddle leather	Can’t tell an armadillo from his a**hole
Proves investigative journalism is never dull	Dullard
Always known for taking on “bidnez”	Always lost money for his businesses
Should have been President	Stole the Presidency
National Treasure	Robs the National Treasury
Akin to a Suarro Cactus	Barely a shrub
Was a hero to the end	Played one on TV
Sadly deceased in her early 60's	Sadly still Prez in his early 60's
Mourned by one and all	What would Molly say?

Who will hold the mirror up to the naked Emperor now?