Or, Plebeian Pennsylvanians Proudly Pontificate

There’s one thing we Pennsylvania voters will never vote for – an uppity,...I mean, elitist nigger,... uh I mean, uh, person who’s colored. We certainly don’t like someone who’s smarter than we are, ...I mean, who seems smarter than we are.... I mean who ACTS smarter than we are.

Besides, his name sounds like he’s a raghead Muslim and we’d rather vote for someone with a purer, more wholesome sounding,‘Merican name like “John.” Now there’s a name that says class. Nothing smelly about it. Who wouldn’t be proud to be known as a John?

And, what’s with sticking with the same wife all those years? That not like the rest of us. It just proves Obama is really stupid. Doesn’t his family value the riches it can bring when you trade up for a perky cheerleader with hooters who happens to be wealthy. Wealth is what makes this country great. I might own a share of oil company stock some year or win the lottery and I bet he’d tax me on that.

There is one thing in his favor. We don’t really mind he can’t bowl. Naturally, we’ll make fun of how much he looks like a duffus, but we’re secretly relieved. After all, we got enough of his kind invading our sports, like golf. Course, I haven’t ever played golf myself. But, they already took away what used to be our sports like basketball and football. People with heavy tans look out of place in a windowless bowling alley. Let him stay with his own kind and leave us a few sports to play at besides just shootin deer mano a mano with high powered scopes and beer.

Speakin a shootin, he’s not a combat vet like John McCain or George W. Bush who braved bullets in war. Of course, if Osama O’Bama comes round here, we might give him that chance. To brave bullets that is. Heh, heh, heh. Target practice as our Southern cousins say.

Yeah, for sure he’s no patriot like our current Prez. Where’s Obama’a ‘Merican flag lapel pin made in China? Where’s his stars and stripes boxer underwear? He’s probably got the traitorous Dixie Chicks on his ipod and not a single Hank Williams. He doesn’t even want to torture insurgents to save America. Damn hippie commie.

And, look at all those people that gave him money and that crazy minister of his. They probably think that Obama will owe them something when he gets in the White House. You’d never catch “our” people sucking up to crazy religious leaders or lobbyists just to get votes. We don’t tolerate flip-floppers.

On top of that, can you imagine what it would be like to have a black in the Oval Office doing something besides cleaning it? All those black and brown countries around the world might think they don’t need to be afraid of us anymore. Where would we be then? We might have to say “please.” Washington and Jefferson would turn over in their graves. They gave us a Constitution that put people who are colored in their place and that place wasn’t with their finger on the red button at three a.m.

In any event, we need jobs. We can’t expect Obama to get us any. Who’s going to listen to a skinny black man who is not a multigazillionaire? No, we need instead experienced rich folks like the Clintons or McCain to get our lost jobs back. Now McCain and even the Clintons too, they got experience up the wazu. They got track records going back years and years and years in the White House and Congress already. Just because the same record says that the NAFTA and CRAPTA they gave us sent the jobs to Asia, doesn’t mean they’ll keep doing that. They musta learned how to do better by now. So, we need to give experience another chance to do it again. Let’s hear it for the Hillary or the John.

Bitter? Me bitter? Obama makes me bitter. He ain’t so smart though that we can’t teach him his high falutin dreams talkin bout working out our problems together is nothing but a bunch of crap.

So, ....God damn Obam.

No comments: