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“A STRUGGLE TO UNDERSTAND THE PREZ’S PUZZLING PENNY ANTE APPROACH TO HIS SUPPOSED STRUGGLE FOR CIVILIZATION”

Or, 10 Questions to Terrify Bush about His War Against Terrorist States

Our feckless leader, George Bush, continually proclaims in increasingly strident rhetoric that continuing to occupy the countries we invaded is important. Nay, vital to our future. He insists it is not merely an ego trip or an attempt to steal oil or a chance to wear a flight suit and pretend he is courageous, but a “struggle for civilization itself.”

Okay, let’s take him at his word for the moment. Perhaps he has better information than the entire rest of the world. Perhaps he accidentally got something right. Perhaps God does speak directly to him.

In any event, his call to arms is a serious proposition and deserves full consideration. We are willing to march into the abyss and indulge his every vainglorious whim. BUT... if this is truly a “struggle for civilization itself” as asserted, if this is truly a task suggested directly to Bush by the voice of God himself, if this is truly the most important aspect of the current Administration, then we have some questions.

Dear President Bush . . .

1. Why aren’t you demanding your own children join the military? It looks like the military could use every warm body available if what you say is accurate. Even if the girls are addiction prone or even fearful cowards like yourself, they could still scrubs pots and peal potatoes in a military Mess Hall if nothing else and free up others for combat.

2. In fact, why aren’t you instituting a draft to induct all the children of your fellow Warhawks into the War’s efforts? Don’t we need them for the “surge” before the Army if permanently broken?

3. Why aren’t you donating your vast family fortunes, particularly the unearned portions, to either the War’s efforts or its side effects? After all, you presumably won’t need it if you fail and civilization collapses into barbarism. Show us you mean what you spout by sacrificing to the cause what you Republicans treasure most - your personal treasure.

4. While we are on the subject, why aren’t you taxing your friends who are making billions war profiteering by price gouging and jailing the many who are engaging in theft and corruption? Make them give it all back so that we can fund your follies.

5. Why aren’t you using all the tools at your disposal such as the diplomatic ones that have proven to work in the past? We realize that you are terrible at diplomacy. Anyone who gropes the female head of state for Germany on TV obviously hasn’t a clue in that regard. Nevertheless, there are some talented people out there assuming you haven’t finished culling all the career foreign service employees in the State Department yet because they might be secret Democrats.

6. Since you are always talking about how we must do things if there “is even a 1% chance” they might be successful, how about offering your testicles to Iran for instance in return for a halt to their nuclear weapons program and full inspections? They could brag about it, but we wouldn’t care if it worked. Either way, it would be a literally minuscule price to pay and well worth it if we got what you have been demanding from them. Surely there is a 1% chance of it working. Moreover, it would not even be painful with anesthetics.

7. Why aren’t you instituting a crash project to completely eliminate the need for gasoline? Of course, that would bankrupt your oil buddies, but look how much it would harm those states that don’t like us like? It would remove a major source of their power over us not to mention reducing their ability to build weapons of mass destruction.

8. Since your own efforts seem to be failing miserably, why aren’t you resigning so that someone more competent can complete the task?

9. Why aren’t you at least firing those who have been proven wrong and rehiring those who got it right? Get rid of all those hacks who were appointed solely because they were Republican campaign contributors, but haven’t been doing a “heckofajob.” Give them a Medal of Freedom, which is not longer worth anything anyway, and terminate them.

10. Why don’t you stop smirking? It may take plastic surgery to do it, but we simply cannot take you seriously as long as you look like a frat boy just back from a panty raid.

The bottom line is that we don’t mind following you if this is a struggle for civilization. We are civilized folks and want others to be civil even if we have to kill them to civilize them.

We don’t mind, well, we don’t mind too much, enduring sacrifices if what is at stake is really a new Dark Ages, but we are not stupid. Well, at least most of us are not stupid, at least those not currently appointed by you to run government agencies.

The point is we don’t blindly follow leaders anymore like your namesake, George Custer. At least, we don’t do so forever. So, if you are going to insist this is a struggle for civilization, logic says you too must act like it.

We allowed you to get away with the “Do as I say, not as I do” scheme back in the Vietnam era when you were hiding from combat while ponticating that others should die in your place. That was back when you were just the drunken frat boy living off your rich parent’s money though. That only works once. Now you are the President. The “Exampler” as well as the “Decider.” Consequently, act the part if you want us to believe you. Be the First Family to do the things that need to be done.

In other words, answer the questions and then we can discuss what to do about the struggle for civilization. Until you do, we see it as merely a struggle to keep you from wrecking the place until we can throw you and your friends out.

"BUSHWA"

Or, Perhaps Bush Is Not Lying This One Time When He Says He Is Not Planning An Immediate New Invasion

For about the first time in about seven years, I find myself agreeing that Bush is possibly telling the truth (to the extent that he is capable of it) when he says that he has no immediate plans to invade Iran. After all, he knows (or at least should know if he bothers to read the data regarding the total number of our men and women in uniform) that the minimum necessary number of trained and equipped combat troops are simply not available, let alone on short notice.

Granted, he may want to invade. He probably does despise or fear the Iranians since he seems to despise or fear anyone who doesn’t believe he should be Emperor of the World, but even Bush must recognize that mounting an attempted invasion or even military intervention in Iran would leave us critically under strength to fulfill our commitments elsewhere in the world, not to mention put guarding our installations at home in jeopardy.

It's puzzling then why Bush would seem to be deliberately, almost recklessly, provoking the Iranians by instilling in them a worry he may start yet another “pre-emptive” war as he did with Iraq and Afghanistan. Bush’s sudden planned deployment of about half our currently sailing nuclear carrier fleets at Iran’s very doorstep, not to mention the countless press briefings on supposed Iranian supplied weapon attacks on our troops and the possibility that Iran might someday have WMD, all add up to what sounds like yet another prelude to war.

Why then? Could it be that Bush is inciting the Iranians because he would welcome the opportunity for an excuse to use nuclear weapon if our ships that he has chosen to provocatively put in harms' way are attacked. It is almost as if he is siting them there because he wants someone to attack them (as former President Johnson did so he could have his Gulf of Tonkin Resolution allowing a major escalation in Vietnam). If even some two bit pirate or independent insurgent in a dingy fires a couple of rounds at our armadas, Bush could then announce he was "forced" to use nukes to "defend" the new task forces he is putting in the Gulf and Red Sea because he has insufficient "conventional" forces to stop them otherwise. I hate to be that paranoid about Bush's intentions, but he has proven in the past that he is capable of unimaginable excesses.

Of course, it is always possible that when Bush says he is not planning to invade, he is just lying to us and will do so regardless of whether we are ready or have enough troops. Unfortunately, our military prowess is always bigger in Bush’s imagination than it turns out to be in real life, especially as to "nation building" and territory occupying tasks. Perhaps he is simply taking another step proceeding with his and his fellow Neocons' early revealed intentions to sweep the Middle Eastern oil producing countries clear of anyone who might threaten supply.

Still, my gut says he might actually be telling the truth for once on this one issue. The problem with Bush's credibility on any subject is that he is seems to have a pathology against telling the truth. He often seems to be someone who lies even when he does not have to do so. Take for instance his response to the British 22% troop reduction in Iraq shortly after Bush had been telling Congress he needed to increase US troop strength by 16% in order to "win." His Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, said in a press conference immediately afterwards that the British withdrawal was all part of the "plan." That would imply we no somehow longer needed the British troop for our Baghdad "surge." Unfortunately, the statements emanating from the White House and Ms. Rice so defy logic and common sense as to suggest she and her boss are outright prevaricating or, at least, trying to "BS" us with the usual automatic politician “spin” response.

If Bush had simply indicated he strongly disagreed with the Brits and preferred the maximum number of troops from all nations stay to support our "surge," we could have understood that. That would have merely meant Bush was not persuasive enough with Blair or that Blair bowed to Parliament pressure. Alternatively, if it was truly all part of the "plan," Bush have announced the Brit intention to withdraw before Blair did. That way, he could have said our own troop surge was needed precisely BECAUSE OF the British reduction. Instead, Bush and his Secretary of State spokeswoman tried to play games with our minds again.

It makes you wonder if they are really that stupid or just assume all of us are. Either way, Bush convinces me once again that, liar or not on a planned invasion of Iran, he needs to be stopped cold.